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Sunday, April 16, 2017

Counting My Blessings this Easter!

Today, I woke up just like everyone else who woke up this morning.  I drank my coffee, enjoyed a beautiful dawn outside while drinking my coffee.  I got dressed, let my 16 year old drive us to church, and proceeded to line up in our church choir to sing praises to the Lord.  Then it hit me, all at once, like a punch in the chest,  I shouldn't even be here.  I should have died last December.

I most likely had been in acute renal failure, with at least moderate metabolic acidosis.  I thought I was just worn out from Christmas, and was getting the flu.  After a while I thought wow this is some flu, and that is when I sought medical care.  However, at least 3 weeks had passed since the beginning of symptoms, and I was slowly improving every day.  The only treatment I had in that time  was sleep, lots of it, like 18 hours a day, water, just water, no food for at least 2 weeks, and prayer, lots of prayer.

I am not pushing religion, I don't do that, nor am I saying you will heal without medical care, I don't do that either.  What I am saying is I didn't die, and I should have.  Or, at the very least been in the hospital for a very, very long time, with probable emergency dialysis.  For whatever reason, my body, even with an Autoimmune disorder, Sjogren's, my body was able to bring itself back into at least pre illness balance.  I was still in Metabolic Acidosis when I saw the kidney doctor a month ago, but with proper treatment I am hoping I am in almost complete balance.  You can call it a miracle, blessing from God, lucky, whatever you want.  But, I call it a blessing that it was not my time to be called home to the Lord, and I still have a purpose here on this Earth.  I have been saved since I was a teenager, and though my walk with God has been bumpy and curvy, I have the peace of knowing that when I do pass away, I will be in a better place.  I am not ready to die, but I am not afraid to die either.  I didn't expect to get so sick in December.  I did not expect my kidney to fail.  I did not expect to be living with an illness that will most likely continue to eat away at my body.  But, I can be thankful every day for my blessings, and the walk I have been given to continue to walk.  It might be hard, and it might not always be fun, but it is a part of me, and who I am.  Believe me, I have had to make a lot of hard life changes.  One of which is not taking NSAIDS for pain, and yes there are some days I have a great deal of pain.  I have had to modify my diet, and lifestyle to be sure I am doing the best to keep myself in balance.  I could have chose to do none of those things, but then I might not be here to enjoy this beautiful Easter day.  Yesterday, I read something that made me so sad.  It was meant to bring awareness to Sjogren's and other autoimmune disorders, but at least for me it just made me think how horrible.  It said, Sjogren's will attack your body every single day for the rest of your life.  To me this statement seeks pity, and guilt from anyone who might read it.  Not awareness and a positive attitude to get out the word about this disease.  I know for me, I don't want pity, I don't want to be treated differently than anyone else.  I don't want people to point to me and say ha, if you weren't chubby, exercised more, or changed your diet, you wouldn't have this disease.  If only it was that simple.  I want people to realize they need to respect everyone, no matter their situation, and to imagine walking a mile in their shoes.  I want people to reach out with hands of love and kindness, not point the finger of shame and guilt.  Awareness does not have to be humiliating.

I hope you will have the same peace and blessings as I have had.  I will never know when it will be time to leave this earth.  Some pass very young, and unexpected, while others live to a very old age and know it is their time.  Having peace with  my spiritual being, brings me comfort in ways that are unimaginable.

Please, if you need to seek counsel for your spiritual being, reach out to someone to assist you.  But, most important be blessed, and grateful every day to still be able to appreciate the warmth of the sun on your skin, the smell of the wildflowers, the laughter of children, the frolicking of your pets, and all the other beautiful things that make life what it is.

I will discuss coping with stress in my next blog post.  

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